Dear younger self,
I don’t want to ruin it for you but your life has been “okay” so far. Remember that pep talk you gave yourself on the playground? Yeah it never turned out like that… I wish it did.
You will end up feeling every emotion that comes with the the struggle of life. Family will mean so much to you and yes, your brother will end up not being your worst enemy. You struggle with fitting in so much that you would give away who you are just to be like the others. But, you were never meant to be like everyone. You will wish that you had lighter skin, less puffy hair and you will hate yourself for every ounce of weight you will gain. You will feel happiness and get high on starving yourself or trying to get the every bit of food in your system to come out. Your height will be something that will never change; yep, you will forever be short. Don’t worry it gets worse… your medical problems will catch up to you, you will be given a few years to live, but you will fight through it, like you do with everything. You will live way past the expectations. When you think that life was starting to get better, you will lose your little baby sister. She will not be coming home, never. And you would never get over it. You will blame yourself for the longest time, but just so you know, you will end up being the best big sisters to three amazing boys.
Your life doesn’t turn out to be the way you planned it, and you will have to learn to grow and discipline yourself… you don’t have that much time left to spend with your family but, it gets absolutely better. Even if you never realized what love was really about or how it was supposed to work, you will meet the best people that will love you with their everything. The boy in blue, with the hair that almost looked like gold. Well, you end up being a little more than friends, but that’s a surprise… 🙂 The sassy little red-haired girl turns out to be a genuinely nice person (spoiler alert: she ends up being your ‘ride or die’). You will be pushed to go out of your comfort zone, and I know that you will be upset about playing in the boys’ soccer team, but promise – it pays off at the end. You meet some great friends in soccer, but remember to practice, take your asthma meds and just have fun.
Your life doesn’t turn out to be picture perfect. You don’t end up looking as good as the perfectly air-brushed Victoria Secrets models and that’s OKAY! Your depression and anxiety will hurt you a lot, but it will help you grow as a young woman. Just remember – TAKE YOUR MEDS AND YOU WILL BE FINE! Of course, I know that you will figure it out by now, but you end up being diagnosed with more diseases, and it will get better. You will get heart-broken, you will hate the world, and you will fall in a dark hole that will take you a long time to get out of. I know that’s the last thing you want to hear, but when they say it gets better – it really does. It will take time but just remember: You. Are. Beautiful! Your dark chocolate covered skin and your wild-out-of-control hair will still be a part of you and you learn to love it.
This is just the beginning, and you will make the world proud! I know this because I am proud of you and I love you. Have fun but not too much fun! Bye for now – Lois Grace